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SwampFoxModerator
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Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo

Re: Wemmen, Go Figure...
      03/20/07 11:13 AM

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core (tm) or Dri-Weave (tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
a tough time for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you forking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, it makes more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep... Always.


Best Regards,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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* Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator 12/15/05 04:28 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/20/07 10:13 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/02/07 11:59 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/11/07 10:48 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/25/07 10:59 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/05/07 10:12 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/06/07 02:34 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/09/07 03:21 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   08/16/07 08:41 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   08/16/07 11:28 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/20/08 01:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/21/08 06:07 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/21/08 07:08 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/03/08 12:42 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/06/08 11:03 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/11/08 04:33 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/14/08 08:22 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/14/08 08:24 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/15/08 09:22 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/28/08 12:47 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/28/08 12:48 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   10/30/08 04:16 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   11/01/08 09:03 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   11/16/08 10:10 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   11/23/08 06:31 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   11/23/08 06:32 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   11/23/08 06:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   11/28/08 10:28 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/10/08 04:46 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/14/08 11:01 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/14/08 07:32 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/16/08 03:54 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/16/08 05:44 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/18/08 12:58 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   12/18/08 04:37 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   12/18/08 07:40 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/21/08 08:33 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/25/08 08:34 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/29/08 12:50 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/03/09 05:24 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/17/09 06:45 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/21/09 04:36 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/14/09 04:42 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/11/09 04:15 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   06/13/09 08:09 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/18/09 01:05 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/24/09 04:00 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/25/09 12:48 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/03/10 01:22 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... fish   03/03/10 07:12 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/04/10 03:44 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... fish   03/04/10 06:07 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/26/10 03:23 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/20/10 03:28 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/20/10 11:23 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Burrhead   07/31/10 05:44 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/31/10 03:11 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   08/18/10 03:59 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/19/10 03:42 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/25/11 03:05 PM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/16/11 01:59 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Ozark   05/17/11 11:22 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   05/30/11 04:14 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Bubba   05/31/11 05:52 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/30/11 01:11 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Ozark   09/20/11 07:47 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/22/11 12:05 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Ozark   09/22/11 03:10 PM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/05/11 09:34 PM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   06/12/12 03:09 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/16/07 12:01 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... STTH   08/16/07 06:11 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/16/07 07:19 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   08/17/07 12:57 PM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... locked up   05/26/08 09:26 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   06/30/06 08:52 PM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   08/02/06 06:21 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/09/06 03:51 AM
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. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   07/01/06 02:43 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/06/06 05:52 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/07/06 04:33 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/11/06 09:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/11/06 09:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/23/06 03:34 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Linhardt   04/10/06 03:29 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/01/06 05:21 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/08/06 10:00 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/26/06 03:34 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/20/06 01:37 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/23/06 09:28 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/23/06 09:54 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/02/06 05:19 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/10/06 03:19 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/16/06 07:53 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/28/06 02:17 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/21/06 04:03 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   02/28/06 06:44 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/19/06 03:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/19/06 03:51 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/18/06 12:22 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/16/06 02:05 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/17/06 04:35 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/17/06 04:42 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... old lodge skins   02/17/06 12:29 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/11/06 11:06 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/05/06 06:41 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/08/06 12:54 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/09/06 04:29 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/11/06 10:32 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/11/06 10:33 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/02/06 04:13 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/03/06 03:35 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/01/06 07:03 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/01/06 07:05 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/01/06 01:09 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/01/06 01:10 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/01/06 12:20 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/28/06 08:13 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   01/28/06 09:25 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/28/06 04:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/25/06 07:48 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/28/06 04:18 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/24/06 11:06 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/23/06 11:55 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/22/06 07:18 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/22/06 07:18 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/21/06 04:40 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/19/06 01:38 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/17/06 02:13 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/15/06 05:22 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/15/06 03:29 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   11/29/12 02:06 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/02/12 04:54 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/02/12 04:56 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/04/12 06:52 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/04/12 06:54 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/15/12 11:28 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/15/12 11:30 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/30/12 01:08 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/31/13 11:16 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... wuchangAdministrator   02/01/13 04:06 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/13/13 07:51 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Ozark   02/15/13 05:05 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/03/13 10:55 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/20/13 11:41 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/27/13 03:36 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   03/29/13 11:40 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/30/13 01:49 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/11/13 11:41 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/11/13 02:38 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/12/13 01:19 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/22/13 12:34 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/27/13 10:24 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... hucklburry   06/02/13 06:49 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/15/13 02:59 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/26/13 03:06 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   06/26/13 02:16 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/04/13 09:53 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/30/13 02:02 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   08/11/15 12:52 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/03/18 11:28 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Bubba   12/05/18 04:39 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/28/18 12:08 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/31/18 10:30 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/24/19 05:23 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... wuchangAdministrator   01/25/19 08:54 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   07/25/19 04:39 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   07/26/19 08:35 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   09/08/19 05:14 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/09/19 08:34 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/14/19 11:11 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... wuchangAdministrator   09/14/19 03:37 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   04/06/20 06:51 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/02/20 12:05 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/04/20 06:25 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/19/20 12:45 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   11/05/20 05:35 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/29/20 11:33 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/20/21 12:46 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/20/21 12:55 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... rb.   01/21/21 08:28 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   01/08/23 11:49 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   02/02/23 05:19 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   02/02/23 05:24 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   02/06/24 09:33 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/28/19 06:24 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   06/02/13 02:49 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   11/19/12 02:25 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... MB2   11/20/12 09:58 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   11/18/12 10:24 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   08/17/12 02:48 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   09/14/12 12:40 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   04/28/06 12:06 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/01/06 11:47 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/03/06 01:52 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   05/03/06 01:53 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/29/06 11:35 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... wil e coyote   01/17/06 06:54 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/18/06 04:45 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... Mel   01/15/06 10:03 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/16/06 03:48 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/15/06 06:06 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/15/06 05:26 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/18/05 12:12 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/24/05 02:23 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/24/05 04:06 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/11/06 06:34 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   01/12/06 02:00 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/15/05 04:34 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/15/05 04:37 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/16/05 04:29 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/16/05 05:00 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/16/05 05:04 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... SwampFoxModerator   12/17/05 11:00 PM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... 67Firebird   01/12/06 02:39 AM
. * * Re: Wemmen, Go Figure... STTH   01/12/06 11:12 AM

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