How Many Church Members Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predetermined times.
Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.
Neo-evangelical: No one knows. They cannot tell the difference between light and darkness.
TV evangelists: One - But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation.
Fundamentalists: ONLY ONE - because any more would be compromise and ecumenical.
Arminians: One - but first the bulb must want to be changed.
Hyper-Calvinists: None - if God wants to change that light-bulb, He'll do it without your help!
Open Theists: unknown - as even God was not aware that the light bulb had burned out, much less that it needed changing.
Seventh Day Adventists: Just one - as long as it isn't Saturday.
Amish: What?s a light bulb?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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