Cafeoutdoors.com: Poems, Palindromes, Pasquinades and Pastiche

New Words for the Dictionary?

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Crap.

BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
then leaves.

ASSMOSIS
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies
to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into
when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with
the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found", meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNO SECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

GOING FOR A McSH*T
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, 'cause
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member,
your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known
as a McSh*t with Lies.

BEER COAT
The invisible, but warm coat, worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you
got there, and where you've come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britney's please".

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show
their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo!
Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pot, and whisks away all the unattractive people
so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Poter in
your bed instead.

PICASSO BUM
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."

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