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Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
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Re: Heaven And Hell
      12/17/05 10:59 PM

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spooky.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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* Were All Going To Hell Anyway SwampFoxModerator 12/14/05 02:34 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   12/14/05 08:07 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   12/17/05 10:14 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   12/18/05 01:20 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   12/23/05 03:16 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   12/23/05 07:24 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   12/24/05 01:55 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Hellbender   12/29/05 07:46 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   12/30/05 09:54 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell USMC Ret   01/02/06 02:08 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   01/06/06 05:37 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   08/18/10 03:23 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Ozark   08/21/10 03:32 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Bubba   08/21/10 06:42 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   09/07/10 01:49 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   09/07/10 02:36 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell MB2   09/07/10 01:14 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   10/14/10 04:46 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   01/28/11 10:25 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell duko™   04/03/13 02:02 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell duko™   01/19/15 10:59 AM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   11/20/07 02:56 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   11/26/07 05:01 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   04/21/08 05:15 AM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   08/24/07 06:04 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   08/22/07 10:50 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   08/14/07 10:56 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   08/14/07 10:58 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   06/08/07 05:33 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   06/19/07 08:37 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   05/01/07 05:18 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   05/29/07 12:42 AM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   04/06/07 05:27 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   03/06/07 03:11 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   02/13/07 03:19 AM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   02/10/07 12:50 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   12/05/06 02:03 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   08/21/06 04:33 PM
. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   08/24/06 03:36 AM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell Mel   08/19/06 02:38 PM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   08/04/06 04:46 AM
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. * * Re: Heaven And Hell SwampFoxModerator   12/17/05 11:48 PM
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