Cafeoutdoors.com: Christmas Jokes

Dear Santa,

I can explain.......

Brian

Dear Brian,

While I know the explaination you have concocted took great thought and imagination to come up with, let me remind you that Santa knows all.

You see, two Chirstmas' past I was making my rounds as usual delivering toys and presents to all the good little girls and boys around the world when I happened upon a small house in Joplin, Missouri. On the outside the house looked no different than any other, having Christmas lights strung up on the bushes and around the eves, a well lit tree in the front window, and even a Merry Christmas door mat welcoming guests. Unbeknownst to me at the time however, there was a madman living within.

As I parked my sleigh upon the roof and gave my reindeer a rest, little did I know this evil doer had already begun executing his plan. As I slid down the chimney with presents in tow, this madman snuck out the back with his trusty crossbow.

I was placing said presents quietly around the tree, when suddenly I heard a clutter upon the roof. Knowing my reindeer to be well behaved, I immediately know something was astray. I shot up the chimney as fast as coul be, and there laying before me lay Donner and Blitzen. Feering for the safety of the remainder of my team, I unhooked the fallen and took flight in the night.

The following Christmas (this last Christmas past) Santa knew better than to park atop the Barham home. While the madman remained a tenant of this residence, his children were angels whom I could not neglect. With my sleigh safely deployed on a neighboring roof, I unhooked Prancer from the team and he alone took me in.

We landed lightly and quiet as can be, but again this madman had a plot up his sleeve. I slid down the chimney with presents in tow, rushing my work not knowing what's in store. As I turn to the chimney to make my escape, I spotted a note reading:

Deer SanTa,

Thank you for visiting us this Christmas Eve. We have been very good this year, and to thank you for all the wonderful presents we have left you some jerkey which my father made especially for you Chistmad Day of last year.

Imagine my horror when I realized the treat before me had come from my own reindeer. The nerve of this man to not only shoot two reindeer of my team, but then to process it into tasty treats on which his lovely children have been eating over the course of the year.

I decided then and there that it was time to meet this evil doer face to face, but my train of thought was broken as I heard one, then two shots ring out. Fearing the worst I again shot up the chimney expecting to find the unimagineable, but Prancer was nowhere to be found. As I looked to the neighboring roof where my team and sleigh lay in hiding, a third shot rang out and then a fourth.

My reindeer were dropping one at a time, first Comet then Cupid, now Dasher and Vixen! I looked to the source of the shots and who did I see? Why it's Brian in the bushes with his trusty 12FV!

Needless to say that by the time old Santa was able to make his way back to the neighboring rooftop, our friend Brian had succeeded in harvesting the entire team. Just then out of nothwere I hear a familiar jingle, and low and behold here comes Prancer. With a stealthy landing and a speedy lift-off, we made our retreat back north to the pole.

So Brian, now that Santa has refreshed your memory you can rest assured that I will not be making such mistakes again. I have outfitted my new team of reindeer with kevlar body armour rather than the traditional sleigh bells, and this year Jolly Saint Nick will be packing some heat of his own. So lest you be wise and subdue your cunning ways, for this year Santa comes armed and is ready to play!

P.S. The jerky was delicious, I do hope you have more for me this year.

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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."

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