Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
|
Financial Definitions
10/17/08 12:21 PM
|
|
|
AS A RESULT OF OUR RECENT ECONOMIC PROBLEMS IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT WE NEED TO EXPLAIN THE NEW FINANCIAL TERMINOLOGY. NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
-------------------- Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
|
|