SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete, but she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else." - Jay Leno
Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign?
Know what sign? 'For Sale.'" - Jay Leno
"A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." - Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former business partners can vote for her in 2008." - Jay Leno
"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed." - Jay Leno
"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate it" - Conan O'Brien
"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk." - Jay Leno
"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
- Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton said today that she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving the Arabs advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Can you believe that? Hillary was clueless about a major political event. You know what that means. She could really be the next president of the United States." - Jay Leno
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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IMPORTANT POLL
The Democratic National Committee is currently polling Americans through the Internet to determine the acceptability of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States in 2008.
If you would like to show your support for Hillary and encourage her to run for President of the United States in 2008 please add your name to the list below and send it on. This list has been around the country at least three times.
1.
(Bwaahahahahahahahahahahahaha x 1,000,000,000,000,000,000)
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Over the weekend, Hillary presented herself as today's JFK. This surprising revelation was immediately followed by an invitation to speak at the Young Republicans Club of Dallas, Texas.
In addition to a lucrative speaking fee, the Club is also offering an open parade limosine and heavy promotion of the event.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9244
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Hitlery cuts military spending.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Dear Abby
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bull**** with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. For crying out loud, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one!!
Yours
Dear Abby
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life.?
"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man.
"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua but on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.
"Fifty dollars!" she would shout from the curb.
"No. Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.
This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"
He'd yell back, "Five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the Senator, Hillary.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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I am writing to you to ask for your help in shedding light on a perplexing situation I find myself contemplating. I have selected you as a group to aid me because you have known me for at least 40 years and I value your opinion. Your religious experiences are varied and that is important to the problem I am faced with.
Over the years, we have all observed the seemingly random factors that affect all of our lives, sometimes without apparent rhyme or reason. We have seen some marriages dissolve over nothing and others grow stronger under adverse conditions. We have seen fate play a role in who survives critical illnesses and who succumbs to them. We have all seen good people suffer great misfortunes while some people of low character thrive. In our lifetime, we have seen Churches and Religious institutions all around the world become revised, televised, energized and even scandalized. We are all well aware that a higher power has control of nearly all things.
Personally, I have stood in the doorway of a 7/11 in Atlanta, amid a shootout between the police and a gunman and walked away unscathed. On a golf course, I saw a lightning bolt strike a man dead while those of us nearby were untouched. We all watched as Hurricane Katrina ravaged some areas of the coast and left other nearby homes standing intact. The enormity of these random and seemingly unfair applications of good or bad fortune is at the core of my dilemma.
I have studied sacred writings of all major religions searching for an answer, and now I pose the question to you.
I cannot fathom that the highest power in this universe could take Anna Nicole from us and leave Hillary behind....
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed." --Jay Leno
"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate it." --Conan O'Brien
"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan . Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk." --Jay Leno
"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank." --Jay Leno
"Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign? Know what sign? 'For Sale .'" -Jay Leno
"A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." -Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former business partners can vote for her in 2008." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern." - Craig Kilborn
In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." - Jay Leno
"In the book, she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air. ' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." - David Letterman
"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington . People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same." - Jay Leno
"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch." - Craig Kilborn
"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." - Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. . .the one with only seven commandments." -David Letterman
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Hillary and Bill Clinton appeared together at a fundraiser in New York last weekend.
They?re appearing together again this weekend.
Bill wants to be there to support her campaign.
She wants Bill there because it?s Spring Break.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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ETHICS TEST
This is a tough one !
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you, caused by a hurricane, with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer.. Somehow the woman looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.
It's Hillary Clinton!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her under. . . forever. You have two options--you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful women.
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Once upon a time, Hercules, Snow White and Quasimodo the hunchback were talking over a picnic lunch.
Hercules says "You know, everyone says I am the strongest mortal on the earth, but I don't know how to prove it. That bothers me a lot."
Snow White said "You're right! Everyone says I am the fairest, but how can I be sure?"
Quasimodo agrees. "Yeah, and I'm supposed to be the ugliest!"
Suddenly Snow White has an idea. "You know, guys, I've got the answer. Let's pray about this and ask God to tell us the truth."
Hercules says "Great. Let's meet tomorrow and tell our tales."
The next day, they meet at a restaurant in town. Hercules says, "I talked to God, and He says that I am truly the strongest."
Snow White says, "As did I, and I am truly the fairest."
Quasimodo has his head down, leaning on the table and says, "Who the heck is Hillary Clinton?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man walks into a Kentucky bar, sits down on a stool and orders a drink. As the tender is pouring it up, the man asks "Have you seen the ridiculous state of our politics lately?"
The bartender slides the drink to the customer and allows as how he hasn't really cared much, so no, he hasn't.
"Well, I'll tell you, that Hillary Clinton is as ugly as a horse!".
A swift backhand from the tender knocks the patron from his stool, and as he stands back up, rubbing his jaw, he states, "Oh, a Democrat, I see."
"No, but watch your mouth," the bartender replies. "This is horse country."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
Edited by SwampFox (03/31/07 01:37 PM)
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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I don't know whether or not you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you probably noticed that Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.
President Reagan, who never missed a chance for a good one-liner, raised his head out of his casket and said . . . "I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."
Hillary said, "No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane."
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
Hillary said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!"
Hillary was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."
The kid said, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bill and Hillary are at the Red Sox -Yankees Game; sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the Agent, and shakes his head "no".
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the Entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates, but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it.
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly baby..." With that Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
Hiliary gets up and yells "Bill, you are such @$$^@#&!"
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting, hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
"Sir," the agent replies, "I said they want you to throw out the First Pitch."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: Hillary in "My Junk"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious... Here she's in the middle of her first run for president, and as Senator of New York this has happened to her.
She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?"
Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Push Rudy, PUSH!!!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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