Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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A Republican cowboy from Texas attended a social function where Hillary Clinton was trying to gather more support for her nomination. Once she discovered the cowboy was a Republican, she started to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and using single syllable words.
As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head. The cowboy said, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called. But I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well ma'am," the cowboy replied, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Hillary replied as she went back to rambling. But, a moment later she stopped and bluntly asked, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, ma'am," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for the citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," she responded and began rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Hard to fool them flies though."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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All she needs is a long tail to complete her portrait.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Another Celebrity parfume...
From Hillary Clinton
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bill died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Hillary turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Bill would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Hillary. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Hillary answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My Gosh, how big is it?"
"Two and a half carats."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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Hillary's Limo Driver
Hillary Clinton and her limo driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a decrepit old sow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the poor sow was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Hillary? "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me!"
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old sow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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Hillary in 2008
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
|
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
|
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
|
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Post deleted by SwampFox
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
Edited by SwampFox (02/08/08 02:29 AM)
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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(I think this might have been posted before. but it's still good)
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk
about the world. After her talk she offers a question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
'Kenneth.'
'And what is your question, Kenneth?'
'I have three questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health careplan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?'
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, 'Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?'
A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
'Larry'
'And what is your question, Larry?'
'I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?'
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so
advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put
it in another, and have him out looking for work in
six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a
lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."
A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so
advanced that we can take half a heart out of one
person, put it in another, and have both of them out
looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected,
"You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman
with no brains, put her in the White House, and then
half the country will be out looking for work."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Post deleted by SwampFox
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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They did a poll on whether Bill?s campaigning for Hillary helped her or hurt her.
Well, 38 percent thought it helped; 36 percent thought it hurt.
Then 26 percent said, ?He never told me he was married!?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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