Cafeoutdoors.com: Merger

Christmas & Chanukah Merge!

Press Release - Christmas and Chanukah Merger:

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions,
It was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah
Will merge.

According to reliable industry sources, the
deal has been in the works for
about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While not all details were available at press time, it is believed that
the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
reporters were told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high
quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new
holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking
being hardest hit. Under conditions of the agreement, the letters on
the dreydl,currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a much wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message
on the dreydl will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens."

In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use
Santa
Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their
gifts. One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least
three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could
leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for
dinner.

A breakthrough came last year, when Oreo cookies were finally declared
To be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of
Kwanzaa might be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were
It not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between
Christmas and Chanukah might invite antitrust scrutiny as an unfair
cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said,
Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference by leading all present
in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."

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