SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Never iron a 4 leaf clover.
No need to press your luck.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
My grandfather, who hadn't been to Ireland in 25 years, took my parents with him for a visit.
When they walked into his favorite pub some guy at the bar glanced in the mirror and said,"My God, He's back."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Tourist in Ireland: Why is it that every time I ask an Irishman a question he answers with another question?
Irishman: Who told you that?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on top of a tall cliff.
The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff but he also says that if they say anything while falling, they'll find that very thing at the bottom.
The Englishman goes first and shouts, "Pillows!" and lands on a soft pile of pillows.
Emboldened, the Scotsman jumps and shouts, "Hay!" and comes to rest of a giant pile of hay.
Finally, the Irish runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and shouts, "Aw crap!"
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Pat and Kevin were having a couple of pints and talking about how the world was different and the changing sexual mores.
Pat said,"I didn't sleep with my wife before I married her. How about you?"
Kevin replied,"I'm not sure. What was her maiden name."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
So I've know you for a long time Sean O'Malley.
I have just one question, did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The Secret Untold History St. Patrick
St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the life of St. Reginald Patrick (Reggie for short) who is known for driving the snakes out of Ireland. Twentieth century historians have disputed this claim, however, arguing that instead of driving the snakes, he merely purchased them bus tickets. Modern historians, however, scoff at this claim, noting that only lizards were allowed on public transportation in those days.
Nevertheless, St. Patrick is credited for the absence of all reptiles on the Emerald Isle. Some assert that the reason for the absence of snakes in Ireland might just be that the climate is inhospitable for reptiles, but others dismiss these claims as the ravings of environmentalist whackos.
But the real question remains. Why were not only the snakes banished from Ireland, but all the other reptiles as well? Some have advanced the theory that after the snakes left, the other reptiles perceived Ireland as “uncool” and left in pursuit of warmer climes. Others maintain that lizards still live there in secret, waiting for the day when they will rise again.
After delivering Ireland from the snakes, Reggie Patrick was offered knighthood but humbly declined, stating that he would rather take a shot at sainthood instead.
It’s surprising that Reggie became the more famous of the Patrick boys. His older brother, Howard, was the better looking of the boys, excelling in both academics and athletics. He was known to constantly torment his younger brother, giving him countless noogies as well as the occasional wedgie.
Young Reggie was to have his revenge when they became adults, though, finding endless ways to bring up his sainthood in casual conversation at family gatherings.
An interesting historical footnote: The youngest Patrick boy, Chuck, enjoyed a brief though tragic fame as the inventor of alligator orthodontics.
So this St. Patrick’s Day I suggest you celebrate by giving a snake a ride. At the very least give someone a noogie and think kind thoughts of Reggie, Howard, and poor Chuck Patrick.
www.charlesmarshall.net
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
An Irish Miracle
Ed Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.
So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.
He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen. But he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes. He leads Fr. Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.
"Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."
"No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy "Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan, "dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It's a miracle . But wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round to interview you, take photos, etc."
A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome. No expense is spared.
There is great excitement in the town as Everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue.
Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.
"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe.
Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out.
Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared 'No Miracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Three Irishmen, Mick, Tat and Pat, walked into a pub.
The barman says,"You look like brothers."
"We are." says Mick. "Triplets"
"If you are triplets why are 2 of you 6 feet tall and the other only 4 feet?"
"Me and Pat were breastfed. There was no tit for Tat."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
An Irish man came home to find his wife in bed with another man.
After tossing him out the window he turned to her and ask,"How many men have you slept with?"
She looked him in the eye and said, "None, They kept me awake."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a traditional Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "Hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are dose?", asks the attendant.
"They're called tees", replies Tiger.
"Well, what on God's earth are dey for?", inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Jaysus, Joseph, and Mary", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9257
Loc: Russellville, Mo
|
|
“May those who love us, love us;
And for those who don't love us
May God turn their hearts;
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we will know them by their limping.”
- Old Irish Curse
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
