A guy gets a
call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had

also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes

and the guy says, "I can't believe they forked my wife after only five
beers!"
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Got this text
from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The
ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. ....
It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"
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I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She
said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really
should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
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Sorry for not
calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching
the fork out of this idiot at a party.
In my defense…when you hear an Arab
counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
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My wife just came in and said,
"I don't know if I am coming or going.
"I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cus
when you're coming, you look like a forking Down Syndrome kid trying to
whistle!"
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I saw a
fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some
money.Last night I forked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?
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The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" .... Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.
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Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, "fork that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
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What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked
better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own
forking bike, and wanted to go home.

duko