Sam the Texan in heaven, St. Peter gave him the deluxe tour.

Behind the first door was a beautiful tropical beach. Sam poked his head in to look, but quickly announced that Galveston had nicer beaches.

Behind the second door was the most mind-boggling amusement park ever imagined, but Sam said he was sure Dallas had more impressive parks.

After a dozen more such responses, an annoyed St. Peter pulled him to the edge of a nearby cliff overlooking Hell and shouted, "You see that enormous lake of fire and brimstone? Have you anything like that in Texas?"

"Well, no," Sam replied sheepishly, "but I do know a guy in Houston who can put it out for you."