Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you,
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty, and so is your head

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace -
but please don't take that bag off your face

My feeling for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go to Hell"

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife -
Marrying you has sure screwed up my life

What inspired these amorous rhymes?
Two parts vodka and one part limes.