12 Step program for recovering Marines.

Marines Anonymous
I am a Marine, I have a problem. This is the first step to
recovery...

1. Speech:
-Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not
0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed,
work out, get used to it.
-"fork" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of
right now, try "um".
-Grunting is not talking.
-It's a phone, not a radio; conversations on a phone do not end in
"out".
-People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you
are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a
deployment in the OCAC.

2. Style:
-Do not put creases in your jeans.
-Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
-A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
-A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
-So does a low reg, but not as bad.
-A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the
rest of the world.
-you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

3. Women:
-Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and
will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force
girls.
-Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither
are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not
make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

4. Personal accomplishments:
-In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at
your job.
-Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about
people you have killed or seen die.
-How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is
also not a personal accomplishment.

5. Drinking:
-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an
intervention, not a "good for you".
-That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger or Jack and pissed in
your closet is not a conversation starter.
-That time you went to the combat medic school and practiced giving
vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter.

6. Bodily functions:
-Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may
be viewed as "unprofessional".
-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter
how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it
is.
-VD will also not be funny.

7. The human body:
-Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may
seem, it's true.

8. Spending habits:
-One day, you will have to pay bills.
-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
-Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
-One day you will need health insurance.

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be
normal.

10. Real jobs:
-They really can fire you.
-On the flip side you really can quit.
-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember
they really can quit too.
-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
-Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800.

11. The Law:
-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from
prison.
-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't,
in fact most likely you will be fired about 5 minutes after they find
out you've been arrested.
-Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going
to help you get the job.
-Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not
yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

12. General knowledge:
-You can in fact really say what you think about the President in
public.
-Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
-They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important
then you are, be polite.
-Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the
first time.