DAMITOL: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. MAMMA'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom?s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

EMPTYNESTROGEN: Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn?t wait till they moved out.

PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, ?You make me want to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?..?

BUYAGRA: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can?t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.