How to install a wireless security system:
1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair.
2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
3. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish.
4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back in 15 minutes. Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed and are mad as hell."

Signed, Billy Bob