UPON HEARING THAT HER ELDERLY GRANDFATHER HAD JUST PASSED AWAY, SARAH WENT STRAIGHT TO HER GRANDPARENT'S HOUSE TO VISIT HER 95-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER AND COMFORT HER.

WHEN SHE ASKED HOW HER GRANDFATHER HAD DIED, HER GRANDMOTHER REPLIED, 'HE HAD A HEART ATTACK WHILE WE WERE MAKING LOVE ON SUNDAY MORNING.'

HORRIFIED, SARAH TOLD HER GRANDMOTHER THAT 2 PEOPLE NEARLY 100 YEARS OLD HAVING SEX WOULD SURELY BE ASKING FOR TROUBLE.

'OH NO, MY DEAR,' REPLIED GRANNY. 'MANY YEARS AGO, REALIZING OUR ADVANCED AGE, WE FIGURED OUT THE BEST TIME TO DO IT WAS WHEN THE CHURCH BELLS WOULD START TO RING. IT WAS JUST THE RIGHT RHYTHM. NICE AND SLOW AND EVEN... NOTHING TOO STRENUOUS, SIMPLY IN ON THE DING AND OUT ON THE DONG.'

SHE PAUSED TO WIPE A WAY A TEAR, AND CONTINUED, 'HE'D STILL BE ALIVE IF THAT DAMN ICE CREAM TRUCK HADN'T COME ALONG.'!!!!!!