These officer comments were all recorded on car-stop videos. They were in the monthly email newsletter that my old department sends out to retirees. I'm glad to see that the deputies working now are still into the spirit of the thing.

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#16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

#15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile.'

#14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your
birth certificate a worthless document.'

#13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

#12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because
that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

#11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that
means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?’

#10 'Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?’

#9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not
to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

#8 'The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or
a dog?'

#7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn
dogs and step in monkey poop.'

#6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven.'

#5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

#4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

#3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but
now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

#2 'I'm glad to hear that the Sheriff is a personal friend of yours, so you know someone who can post your bail.'

#1 'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here.'