This little old lady calls 911.

When the operator answers, she yells, "Help, send the
police to my house

right away. There's a damn Republican on my front porch and he's playing

with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed.

"I said there is a damn Republican on my front porch playing with

himself; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the

little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Republican?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Democrat, he'd be screwing somebody