Giga-Farts, Global Warming & Gore

Posted on 06/11/2007 1:27:15 AM EDT by computermechanic

Giga-Farts, Global Warming & Gore

1. Since "global warming" is an new "science", we need to expand the way we measure it's sources & effects.

I propose the following new metric units to be used in global warming study:

MFz = MegaFarts = 1 Million liters of gas from a SC (Standard Cow)

GFz = GigaFarts = 1 Billion liters of gas from a SC (Standard Cow)

2. Since there are many more people in the world than cows, then beans in the human diet should be either banned or taxed. For example, a special flatulence fee would be added to your restaurant-dining bill if there were any bean products in the meal you ordered. This money then, would be used to purchase carbon-offsets. Billions of farts (GFz) could be kept out of the fragile global-warming eco-system.

All the taxes & fines collected should be sent straight to Al Gore's carbon-offsets companies, since only Al Gore has the needed knowledge of human and cow flatulence & the global warming wisdom to save the earth from certain doom.

Send all monies to this address:

Former Next President Al Gore
Flatulence & Carbon Offsets Co.
1 Global Warming, The Only Way
Washington, DC 00001-0001